Have a conversation in Korea and you notice quickly: there is a lot going on – even when only one person is actually speaking. While the other one listens, short signals keep coming: “네 (ne)”, “음 (eum)”, “맞아요 (majayo)” or simply a confirming nod. These little responses tell the other person: I'm listening, I'm following you, I'm with you.
We know this behavior in Germany too, of course, but in a much weaker form. An occasional nod, a “yes” in between - that is enough. In Korea, by contrast, staying silent while listening is quickly taken for disinterest or a lack of understanding. If the person you are talking to gives no feedback after two or three sentences, many Koreans already feel uneasy or suspect that the other one is not really following.
In international relationships that sometimes leads to amusing misunderstandings, and ours is no exception. Philipp remembers: when he was new in Korea, many people he talked to thought he didn't understand English - simply because he listened quietly instead of constantly saying “Hmm”. Jihye then often had to explain that in Germany it can even come across as impolite to interrupt the other person that often. There you might think: he isn't really listening to me – he just wants to agree quickly so the conversation ends.
Even today it still happens sometimes: Jihye is telling a story, Philipp is listening attentively – but says nothing. After a few seconds she suddenly stops and looks puzzled. For her the familiar “Yes!” is missing; for him, simply listening is completely normal.
Small cultural differences like these are inconspicuous – and yet they shape daily life in an international marriage. Who would have thought that even listening can be learned in such different ways?
Leave a comment
This site is protected by hCaptcha and the hCaptcha Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.